a dappled green light through a leafy canopy

talula728 @ 2008-11-27T22:31:00

2008-11-28T03:36:12Z

Me(to husband): I love you. On the way home, I was thinking about how sometimes when I want to watch an episode of Buffy, or Angel, or Firefly, I say a quote from it and you know what I'm talking about and you get it and put it on. And I just thought- it would take so much time to train someone new to do that.

Today I am thankful that I got to eat two homecooked meals without cooking anything.

talula728 @ 2008-10-27T12:15:00

2008-10-27T17:23:06Z

Reasons why I like Washington Square Mall

1.Free internet. Many plugs.

2. Practically abandoned. I think there's three actual stores left- Sears, Fashion Bug, Hallmark. The rest are medical offices, medical supply stores or just simply boarded up.

3. Lots of space in food court.Only three options to choose from: Noble Roman's, Potato Place, Cookies place. All rest are boarded up.

4. Old people just walk around in circles in the mall all day long. It makes me feel young and pretty.

5. Can get lots of paperwork done.

Reasons why I do not like Washington Square Mall

1. Bathrooms are like a mile down this hall. It takes forever to get there. Plus, I can't leave my laptop and all my stuff out like I do at Donut Bank. Gotta pack it all in every time I have to pee.

2. Twice now a janitor has commented on my laptop, "Oh, gotta take that with you everywhere, huh?" "Can't live without that, right?" Yeah, talk to my employers, buddy. I'd rather not have so much paperwork, I'd give back the laptop (which is company issued) to have an office anyday. So bite me.

talula728 @ 2008-10-24T21:59:00

2008-10-25T03:04:46Z

Holy crap. I didn't know this movie was about people killing themselves in various horrible ways. It's totally freaking me out.

talula728 @ 2008-10-20T15:04:00

2008-10-20T20:18:12Z

Reasons why I love the Donut Bank in Princeton, IN.

1. There is 0-4 people in it everytime I go in.

2. There is always a table available by a plug.

3. They have all you can drink French Vanilla coffee. If you start cracking out, you can always switch to decaf.

4. They have FREE water. Free! I know!

5. They have the nicest bathroom in all of Princeton.

6. They have donuts.

7. They have FREE internet that actually works.

8. They have a list on the counter of cleaning jobs for the employees, and when they get them done, they highlight them in different neon colors. What is the system? Does each employee have a different color? Each shift? The world may never know. But it's pretty and organized. My two favorites!

9. They never run out of Splenda. One time, they didn't have cream out, and the girl just about fell over herself bringing me some.

10. They are always wiping down the glass so the donuts can look their best.

11. They never talk to me more than necessary.

12. I have sat working on my laptop for upwards of three hours, and no one has ever said anything, or even looked at me badly.

13. They have a nice radio station playing. I don't know what it is, might be Donut Bank specific, but it's nice.

14. MMMmmmmmmm coffee.

Asking for presents is hard

2008-07-05T05:28:04Z

So we went to register at Target. I found it more challenging than I thought. Sure, I want new towels. But what kind of towels? What colors? How many? Sure I'd like a new bedspread. What kind? Do I need to get matching sheets?

So, um, I got like four of each thing.

Also, it was very hard for me to ask for things I don't specifically need.

Kenny: Should we get serving bowls for like rolls or something?
Me: No, we've got bowls.
*starts to walk away*
Me: Wait, the bowls I'm speaking of are those multicolored plastic ones I bought at the dollar store a year ago. Yes, I suppose we can get bowls.

Kenny: Oh, let's get a new coffee pot.
*beep*
Kenny: A popcorn popper?
Me: Yes! Then we can decide what goes in the popcorn!
*beep*
Kenny: A deep fryer!
*beep*
Kenny: A griddle!
*beep*
Me: Can we register for more counter space?

Also, in the end, I was shopping with a boy, which doesn't work for me, who would normally spend an hour deciding just on the towel thing. Also, I put a toy for Mollycat on there. Kitty needs love too, you know.

Yay!

2008-04-11T17:34:43Z

Okay, I don't remember where I read it, but someone on my flist was talking about Wonderfalls, which I had never heard of. I read up on it a little and it looked cute, so I checked it out from the library.

And I've got to say, it's the very most adorable show in the universe. I'm in the middle of the second episode and I am completely in love with it. The girl, the talking animals (I want a smooshed face lion icon!), the bartender, everything.

This particular bit of dialogue made me laugh out loud:
(they're talking about 'destroying' this mean girl from high school, but she doesn't really want to)

Bartender Guy: I get it. Certain people see you in a certain way. And these people are from a particular time in your life so when you're around them, you feel compelled to act out psychodramas that have nothing to do with who you are now.

Girl: And the chicken in her hair told me to.

So to whoever talked about this, I thank you!

giggles

2008-03-19T02:55:07Z

Molly, the most wonderful wonderous cat just spent five minutes looking at her reflection in the oven window. At one point, she raised her paw and touched her paw-reflection with it and then slowly took it away. Weren't there some old television shows like this?

I want to have kids cause why now?

2008-03-19T02:18:29Z

M: "Well, I'm gonna let you so I can kill my child. Her Daddy went to sleep. So I'm gonna kill her. If you see me on the news, you'll know why. Talk to you later. Bye."

Earlier in the conversation:
A (in the background): Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy.
M: What?!?
A: Can I watch a movie in bed?
M: Yes. And then I'm gonna change my name. To something you don't know.

Also heard during the phone call:

M: We do not do THAT to the cat!

M: Don't brush the cat with that brush, it's your broth- WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!!

M: Please stop banging the brush on the table. Stop banging the brush on the table. Stop. Banging. The. Brush. On. The. Table.

talula728 @ 2008-03-16T12:55:00

2008-03-16T18:10:11Z

I have a new best friend.

Car!

My new Best Friend Car is amazing.

It's tiny.

It's blue.

It has good gas mileage.

And it's THE CUTEST THING EVER.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that it can do more than it's letting on. Yesterday, it was raining a lot and a part of this field was flooded, and I thought "My car could totally turn into a boat if it wanted to" Just right now, it doesn't want to.

Dreams = Real ??

2008-03-12T15:00:48Z

So I had this dream I was hanging out with Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter and Ronon. We were running through some tunnel and there was a stupid guy there who wasn't on our team but had just wandered in and we were rescuing him or something. Anyway, I kept pushing him out of the way. Ronon was in the back and at one point, I stopped until he caught up to me and grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him. He asked me why he did that and I said something like "Because I kept touching that guy and what I really wanted to do was touch you." (yes, I write badpornfic in my dreams). But he smiled a Ronon smile at me and I was happy.

Then I walked into this library where there were notices all over the wall about new laws in the library and even had the names and amounts of people's 'debt' to the library. Then I went to the room with the computers and there was a big banner that said 'Due to billable hours, there will be no funds for internet use' then the banner right under it said 'Welcome our new employee!'

I walked back out to the main part of the library and met up with Daniel Jackson and Samantha Carter, who were upset about the library. When I told them about the internet, Daniel got very upset and went into a tirade about disenfranchised people not getting appropriate services. I think I said something like "For some people, this is the only access to the internet they have," but I'm pretty sure I didn't really care, I was just trying to get in Daniel's pants.

Then there were two small couches and a television and a DVD of sg-1 was loading up. There was a commercial of a car on and I asked if this was the DVD where they made the jumper into a car for the advertisement. I think Samantha Carter said that's the whole reason she bought the DVD and could never find it. I kept on trying to sit next to Daniel Jackson, but he kept on moving around.

I knew what you did last month

2008-03-12T06:26:52Z

What, did you forget it? (subject was spam email title).

I bought some frozen tilapia fillets at the grocery store. They're individually wrapped and if you run hot water over them, they defrost in the same amount of time it takes the oven to preheat. Very convienent.

So anyway, on this frozen bag of tilapia (which, by the way, has no breading or seasoning or anything), it says: 'CONTAINS: FISH' Heh.

ark=box? Hmm. Less impressive than what I thought up in my brain.

I don't quite remember what the movie was about, because I was too busy yelling about how pretty Daniel Jackson is. Gosh, the man is pretty. I have missed it. Also, suffering on a floor from many different angles? My favorite angle was the stomach/crotch combo. He breathes really nicely in that scene. If I was Morgan, I would have broken rules just to descend and touch his stomach. *sigh*

Cameron Mitchell, also adorable. Giggled when he said 'weapons full speed ahead' or some such. The little smile and the "it's kinda cool" when they're about to go through the supergate. Oh, Cameron Mitchell, you are such a 16 year old boy.

Oh! I remember something silly. HowcomeWhyHow did Colonel Ellis have a little graphic with his name on it when communicating with the SGC? Was it a newscast? Who's back there working the graphics?

Cutest thing ever? Sam bouncing around the infirmary with long hair and regular clothes. Didn't even mind that she was making with the flirty with Cam because *she* was just so adorable. This is how I would have liked my Samantha Carter on Atlantis: ie-with personality, maybe a little character development. I feel like she has been Ms. Leader In Charge, not Samantha Carter.

Okay, back to movie, so I did pay attention to some plot, but is that important? Blah blah thingee here, explosion there. Oh! Except that the REPLISKELETON will be giving me nightmares for weeks. Also, I was completely unspoiled for there being replicators at all so I was pretty shocked by that.

I would have enjoyed Tomin's storyline more if he was pretty like Angel. What? It's not my fault everyone's fighting for redemption!

All in all, meh.

talula728 @ 2008-03-09T23:12:00

2008-03-10T04:39:09Z

This lady on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire just won $64,000 by knowing that Romy and Michelle claimed to invent post-it's in that movie. I knew that! I miss those old gameshows like Password (or was it Super Password?), 10,000 dollar pyramid. They seemed so much more laid back and fun, not all drama. Maybe it's just because it makes me remember watching them with my grandma. Dude that lady just used all three lifelines after the first one (poll the audience) clearly showed the answer. *sigh* Why do I torture myself with stupid television? Is that your final answer? adjkfajsdjals. Yes!

So, when did Rodney figure out the solar flare thing? It seemed he had told everyone in alternate land since Woolsey all condescendingly said it back to him. But then, when John came back in the end and had been missing 12 days, he didn't know. How did he figure it out? When? How much sad face would that realization have put on his little face? The thought of Rodney minus John (before he left Atlantis) has broken my heart at random intervals during the day. I really wish they had shown more of that. Just one little sad face.

Also, I've decided not to be upset at the fact that Rodney didn't start working on plan to save everyone until Jennifer died. Technically, he says "That's when I got my idea" not "That's when I decided to try to change it all." He got an idea from who knows what? Maybe being back at the SGC reminded him that some chica in the future sent SG-1 back to the right place. Maybe he thought "If only I knew before that the drug would do this. If only someone could go back in time. Too bad Sheppard went forward in time. Wait. Forward in time. It hasn't happened yet..." Whatever. You get my drift. It was the idea and not the motivation.

Besides, when bad things are happening, it isn't someone's first thought that "Wait, this is the wrong thing to happen in the universe." So I like that it wasn't his first inclination, because it isn't true to life. It's the same issue I had with Giles saying "There has to be a better world" to Anya in "The Wish" because really? How do you know? We don't question when bad things happen. We adapt. Rodney coming to Lorne at the end and saying "It isn't supposed to be like this" bothered me in the same way.

But anyway, so I buy that Rodney didn't try to change things until he had lost absolutely everyone. And again, it isn't that he didn't care, it's just that he hadn't had the *idea* yet. Okay. I'm over it. What I am not over is that there was no JohnRodney hug immediately after John came through the gate. Hugs!

In other news of rewatching, is it extra-hot when Ronon swings around the door on the 'looking for Teyla planet'? Because I think it is. And he does it twice and it has to be different takes because there's different people in the background. But both times he does it with the same amount of hotness. If he lived in my house, he'd have to do it every time he walked in the room.

No! Megatron has a red helmut!

2008-03-09T04:16:09Z

So the other day I was at the Goodwill and a little boy came running up to me holding a toy and then just stopped at looked at me. A little perplexed but always personable, I said "Is that Megatron?" He gave me a dirty look and said "No. It's Megatron. Megatron has a red helmut!"

Oh, kids.

Anyway, I was watching season one SG1 last night before bed and I had gotten to the last episode and I had forgotten all about their brave hats! I was quite obsessed with wearing my black hat after seeing it the first time and calling it my brave hat. Was even one bad night where I wore it to sleep. Will find brave hat first thing in morning. Oh morning, you will come one hour earlier and that it not cool.

talula728 @ 2008-03-08T09:14:00

2008-03-08T15:23:22Z

Last night I had a dream that a plane was flying too low in the sky. We were outside some concert stadium or something and we saw it. Everyone outside gasped and I said "Oh, it's just landing at the local airport. Everyone gets so freaked out now!"

But then it kind of flipped in the sky and broke apart and crashed right in front of the stadium building. We were pretty freaked out and then we started walking around, looking at the wreckage that landed like five feet away.

Then I noticed some guys in suits walking into the woods across the street that looked like an... alien? Tall, naked, big head, white-grayish, yep, alien. I had a camera, so I ran over there and said "Hey! Alien!" and the alien guy stopped and turned around, so casual-like and gave me such a human look that was a polite "Yes? Can I help you?" And I started snapping pictures of him, even though by then I felt kind of bad for doing it because he was acting so un-alien-like.

Then they walked away (guys in suits didn't seem to care I took pictures) and I noticed there were little furry squirrel looking creatures and I realized it was a crashed spaceship and these were little space animals. I briefly hoped I remembered to put film in my camera (it was one of those pink plastic Barbie princess ones you had when you were 11) and remembered I had to go to the grocery store before getting home.

For reals? Or for AU?

2008-03-08T04:40:44Z

"Everyone on the internet must be going crazy because Rodney never gave up on John."

He who mentions the subtext saw it first! Boys, so in denial.

I admit I cried a little when Sam died. I mean, I knew she was gonna undie, but still it got me in the heart parts. *looks at shoe* I like Samantha Carter.

Somehow, futureficshowclips all seemed pretty believable to me, even Rodney and Keller. When people are the only two left from a team, I can usually believe it (see: Buffy comics) even if I never believed it before.

Also, Rodney teaching psychics at a community college! Suddenly, some of my favoritest fanfics are canon! Ronon and Todd. "I was just gonna blow it up." *snorts* Oh, Ronon.

General Lorne! And a first initial even! EEEEEEEEE. Come on, finish it PTB!

Also didn't see the end coming, figured it would just be John coming through the gate saying "It worked. Come on, I know what to do" Fade to black. But it kept going and then it was all different and they died again? But just differently? Wha!?!??! How will they change it back? How will I wait months for new episodes?

Need some fill in on Rodney post-John gone missing. Please now?

talula728 @ 2008-03-07T20:21:00

2008-03-08T02:30:37Z

Dear snow, quit it.

It took me two and a half hours to drive what is usually an hour drive.

Then, two blocks from my house, I stopped to let someone turn off my street before I turned onto it. Then, I couldn't go. Then, ten people stopped behind me. Then, one person went around me and got stuck. Then, one person went around them and got stuck. Then, people coming the other way were stopping and getting stuck. Mind you, there was nothing really to be stuck on, just that there was a layer of ice over the road and after stopping, going was not an optin.

Then, I had a nervous breakdown. I called Kenny, who had just gotten home, and he came back. Then, some of the guys who were in the second stuck car got out and tried to push everyone out of the way. My car moved a little bit, blocking the intersection of four streets pretty completely.

Some nice guy in a big truck with a chain came and pulled me all the way home. I tried to stop him to give him money, or sexual favors, but he drove away too fast.

So I am crabby because I won't be able to work tomorrow and it makes me crabby because I want to make a good impression, you know?

By the way,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Commas!

I heart my new computer! Thanks job!

Also, I would like to say sorry to the twenty or more people that I made get stuck on Claremont Ave. Sorry if that was you. I didn't know I shouldn't stop. Won't happen again. No stopping ever.

Hi.

2008-03-06T02:43:20Z

I think I like my new job.

*does a dance*

comma comma comma page down backslash

2008-03-05T01:16:34Z

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

For months (MONTHS!) several buttons on my keyboard have not functioned due to inexplicable universal forces (and had nothing to do with trying to read fanfic from the bathtub).

Did I:
Get them repaired?
Buy a new laptop?
Take apart my laptop and clean it?

No!

The answer is: I got a work laptop! I had to practically sign my life away for it. If I lose it, I believe I will owe them $2,000 and several pints of blood. But I don't care, because wonderous things are possible now. Now I can page up, page down, move my cursor back and forth in a typing document, TYPE A COMMMMMAAAAAA (seriously have been copying and pasting commas found in nearby documents) and type things needing slashes, such as 'John/Rodney.' Also, I can now type <> (also which I was copying and pasting from other documents).

*hugs laptop*

Oh laptop, let's never be apart again.

(now must go do finish paperwork, which is what work laptop is for. bah humbug.)

So...................

2008-03-02T05:22:55Z

Some thoughts and some words I make up.

One of the things I loved about Carson Beckett was the way he helped and respected *everyone*. This included the wraith in the crashed dart in Duet, which I think of often when I have to therapize with perpetrators of various horrible things. Carson helped anyone who was medically hurt, because as living things, they were deserving and Carson understood he wasn't to judge. In terms of respect, in Sunday, when he said "You are vital to the success of the mission," to that one girl, it struck me as a very very nice thing to say. More importantly, he said it like he meant it. Also what I think about while therapizing.

Anway, the whole point of this is that when Carson didn't hesitate to help the man who was just shooting at him and who Keller just said was bad guy, I rejoiced and said "Carson's back!" outloud at my television. This component, of not compromising his ethics, has been kind of missing and I didn't even realize how much so until he was back. This season has gotten darker and morally ambigious. Having Carson back kinda made me embarassed and want to tell John to hide some mission reports, because I didn't want Carson to know some things.

In general, I don't like it when there are two of people and it is highly disconcerting to my brain. It makes me think of souls and consiousness and memories and what makes people, you know *people* and I don't like it. But for Carson, I'll hold my disconcertingness aside and if he returns, will simply think of him as Carson.

Many have commented on the highlights that I noticed: Rodney protecting Carson a la arm-throw-cover. And the last scene: John whispering heartfeltedly, Ronon hug(always squee-worthy) and the walk away after, Rodney turning away because it was just too much, and then babbling because it was just too much, John looking at Rodney and wishing he could help him get through that moment, but not able to do anything (well, in my head, later, John tries many things to help him through it). Carson's "see you all later" *sob*. Gosh, it makes me all weepy when people are brave little toasters.

And when they're standing in the room after Carson goes stasis, it kind of stabs in the heart region to think of Teyla gone now too, and the mention of Elizabeth and it just makes me feel like... well, that this is a really good show for making my heart hurt. And the need for many John and Rodney comfort stories. Will go looking now.

Also, next week's preview? *fingers in ear singing 'lalalalalalala'* pretending I never saw it because wtf?

Anyone else gotta go?

2008-02-27T02:32:45Z

I have a recurring dream about toilets.

For as long as I can remember I have been going about dream-like dreams and in my dream, I have to pee. This is normal for me, as I have to pee a lot in real life. So I find a bathroom and there are rows and rows of stalls. I start opening the stall doors one by one and each one is too disgusting (in different and interesting ways) to use. So hours and hours (seemingly in my dream, I don't know about real time passage) go by with me looking for a bathroom that is good enough to use and never finding one.

So what's up with that?

In other news, I am tired of training with other people who WILL NOT STOP TALKING. Even while we were watching a movie they would not stop talking. Arrrrgh. Had the urge to turn around say 'shhhhhhhh' in the vein of an uppity middle schooler teacher's pet. Not that I was one. Shutup.

I am a sap who cannot stay angry at space explorers

2008-02-26T01:11:03Z

Reasons why I didn't like Season 9 (through a blurry recollection of having seen it once, over six months ago):

Obviously, the loss of characters. Not only did we lose Jack, but for a seemingly long amount of time, we lost Sam. And I'm not sure of the exact timing, but I'm pretty sure right then, we lost Hammond.

The loss of characters means the addition of new ones, and that also caused me problems. I didn't like Cameron Mitchell. His great admirance of SG-1 and the desire to have them back together was, I suppose, supposed to endear him to me. And while I, too, wanted SG-1 to get back together, SG-1 didn't include him. He wanted Sam to come back? Buddy, you don't even know Sam. Don't even talk to her. (*points to self: see? I was crazed with not liking*) I didn't like Landry. I didn't like that he had some sort of relationship with the new doctor, who I also didn't like. What kind of relationship did they have? Why did I have to wait so long to find out? The only thing I don't like more than not caring about something is waiting to find out about something I don't care about.

More than anything, I didn't like Vala. And I didn't like Vala because she messed up Daniel. I was attempting to construct a sentence about how much I love Daniel, and I can't. So anyway, she made him annoyed at her. And Daniel is not annoyed long-term. Sure, he can get annoyed for a while. But long-term, he gives people chances and believes in their ability to be good. Anyone remember Unas? He wanted to liberate a race of monsters and found love and understanding in grunts and clicks. Seriously. Plus, he talked so super fast that he sped up the space-time continuum and wasn't even *in* the episodes.

Also, the whole Arthur mythology thing? Lame. And while I don't really watch SG-1 for the great plots (see: boring ten years of Jaffa storylines), the big season opener was all about it and didn't help me like all the changes any better.

This is getting too long. Let's move on.

Reasons why I liked season 10 (yes, I said it. I liked season 10):

Vala got some depth. And Daniel was on her side for being given chances. This can make me even 'character-development' his attitude in season 9 away. His optimism in people regressed a little bit and then trusting Vala little by little slowly brought it back. Daniel was back. And I rejoiced.

Vala having backstory and emotional development made her silly antics actually endearing instead of annoying. Getting the crew to throw Daniel a surprise birthday party because he was bored? Endearing. And while I knew they got together in the end (because I live in the world), I was upset before I watched this season because I thought 'no way'. But when Daniel said mean things to her in Unending, I think my heart broke just as much as hers because yeah, okay, *shy smile*, they were so in love. I believed it and I clapped when he said "You better not be messing with me" and gave the bestest Daniel smile *ever*.

I used to write papers analyzing the characters and themes in Buffy (that's the upside of getting a degree in communications) and Vala was the first character that's given me the desire to do it again.

Deep breath. I liked Cameron. He got to be less annoying all throughout the season, but when he sat with Sam while she was almost-dying in that out-of-phase building, I got to liking him. I felt like he was actually giving Sam the respect she deserves and I felt he knew her enough to have my permission to speak to her. I didn't even mind his hokey grandma story. And when Jack came back for that one episode, I realized how different they were and how that was okay. I was okay with him. However, Daniel's name is Daniel. Him calling him 'Jackson' will never be okay with me. Why are you too cool to use his first name? I should have added that to the list of why I didn't like him in season 9.

As for season ten plot (which again, not all that important to me), I liked it more than season nine. For one, there was a little goauld action. Putting Baal in Adria? I admit, it was an interesting plot twist that I didn't see coming. And the Asgard? Thor got me choked up a little when he said we were the fifth race. But if they're gone, doesn't that bump us up a spot? Can't we be number four?

And I have to get to the library and return season ten before they close, so in conclusion, this has been my thoughts.

Movie ready now?

Letters to television seasons

2008-02-21T02:10:25Z

Dear Stargate SG-1 Season 10,

I rented you from the library. I am trying to watch you. But it is hard. Why did you and season nine have to turn out to be so not-good? I have you for four more days. We'll see. We'll see.

Love,
Me.

My trainer talked to me about pee this time!

2008-02-21T00:57:57Z

I liked my third day. Went out with another therapist and think I'm gonna like it. Got apprehensive before each new client we saw, but then after like two minutes, I was fine. That's probably what it will be like each time I get a new client, but then I'll be fine once I meet them once. And seriously, they're probably nervous about meeting me too. My mom used to tell me that about bugs, but I never believed her.

Tomorrow, I'm hanging out with a different girl (not sure her position) and doing paperwork training. I also have to get my tb test read in the morning. Do not forget, self.

talula728 @ 2008-02-19T17:48:00

2008-02-19T23:49:55Z

Sooo... remember when I said I was scared I would say embarrasing things on my first day? Well, I was at least going to stear clear of bodily fluids. Then, five seconds after coming in the door...

Training Lady: Do you want some coffee?
Me: No thanks, I'll just have to pee every two minutes.

So on the first day, I listened to the trainer, wrote my address, social security number and birthdate about 900 times and watched a video called "1, 2, 3 Magic." I was very upset to learn it was not, in fact, about magic. Then I got my fingerprints done, peed in a cup and took a TB test. I resisted the urge to make a comment about the drug test when I got back to the office, figuring one reference to my urine was enough for my first day.

I took a tour of things, places and people I will not remember next week and went home.

Today, I went to the all-office meeting. Which consisted of about 527 people. In all honesty, it was about 100. But still. Made shortest mention of who I am and what I do I think in ever. Contemplated reciting Dawn's speech "I like Britney Spears' early work before she sold out. So mostly her macaroni art. Favorite things include never having to do this again. I also have a sister." All people who laugh are new friends. Sadly, I was afraid.

Went to lunch by myself but it was okay, because who gets to choose where I go? Me! I went to Panera. The only place where you can get a sandwich with a side of bread. It could save lives. Spent the afternoon in training with people who won't be therapists so was thoroughly confused by the whole thing.

So far, it's okay. I am spending the whole day with another therapist out on the road tomorrow, so I should have a better idea by then of the job. I just hate training and being uncomfortable. I hate not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing. Grr. Just want to know, you know?

On an incredibly side-lined side note, yesterday was Vanna White's birthday! We were fighting about how old Vanna White was (I thought she over 55) but we looked her up and saw that she was turning 51. Happy Birthday Vanna!

Dear Self,

2008-02-18T06:44:09Z

Dear Self,

I know you are starting a new job tomorrow and you are worried about the following things:

1. They didn't really give you a job. It was a joke. There will be a man there saying "There's a camera there. And a camera there!"

2. They will all be smarter than you and expect you to know stuff you don't know. "What? You don't know how to fill out a P12180? Hey Bob, can you believe it? They sent us another one!"

3. You will say stupid stupid things that sound funny in your head before you say them. "Okay, but I spent the whole night on the toilet, I made my stomach so nervous!" in response to "Nice to meet you. How are you doing today?"

4. No one will show you where the bathroom is and you won't get to pee all day.

5. You will bring your lunch and they will make fun of you because they all go out to eat.

6. You will not bring your lunch and they will all make fun of you because they all brought theirs.

7. You won't be able to catch up on your schoolwork and you'll have last month's hair. (sorry, that was Buffy).

8. Someone will sit you in front of a half hour movie for training and then go away. Thirty five minutes later, they haven't come back. What will you do?

9. There will be vampires.

10. Someone will make fun of your shoes.

So Self, I ask that you remember the following things:

1. Since the ripe age of 17, you have had jobs at 9 different companies. If you count that times you switched jobs in those companies... it's more. You are a pro at this. You are not afraid.

2. People seem to mostly like you most of the time.

3. It's a big place. More than likely, someone there will be into Buffy or Stargate and you can make a new fandom friend and on Mondays you can come running into the office with the latest McShep squee.

4. You will like this job. You will be good at this job. You are a good therapist.

5. Do that thing where you keep your eyes wide, your shoulders straight, really listen to what people are saying and do things slowly but deliberatly. It makes you seem present, aware, grounded and most importantly, not like the babbling clutz you are on the inside.

6. What you're doing is important. Cordelia would agree. She's up there in your icon saying that what you're doing is worth doing.

7. You are a grownup. Even if any of the above should happen tomorrow, just think "What would John Sheppard say?" and the answer is always: "We get stunned all the time. Shake it off."

8. GO TO SLEEP

9. Your shoes are pretty nice.

10. I have no tenth thing. Hmmmm. Your hair also looks shiny tonight. People like shiny hair. Thus, they will like you. Do not be afraid.

Love,
Self